I have a friend who doesn’t tell the truth.
I don’t call her a liar, (although that’s what you’d call a person who doesn’t tell the truth) because she doesn’t know she’s lying. To her, she’s telling the truth as she understands things in the moment. It’s not until things go wrong that she realizes she chose to ignore the red flags and warning signs.
After the guy she was head over heels in love with, broke her heart, then she clearly saw the red flags. Post-breakup she told me parts of his story she’d previously left out- his relationship history, the vices he indulged in, his behavior when he got angry.
In the beginning, I was happy for her, I encouraged her to pursue her relationship with him based on what she’d told me, because I believed she was painting a complete and accurate picture of him. When I asked her why she’d left out the ‘bad’ when sharing the ‘good’, she said she thought she was telling the full story. The truth is, she wanted so badly for him to be ‘the one’ that she chose to ignore the things that later eroded their relationship. She lied to herself for so long that she believed it as truth.
Tell yourself the truth, first. The more you lie, the less trustworthy you become.
Ever seen the Youtube challenge tag called, “Two Truths, One Lie”? One person states 3 things and another person guesses which two are true and which is the lie. That’s cute for a harmless video, but it’s detrimental in life. It’s bad enough to lie to other people, but it’s truly damaging to lie to yourself. If you can’t trust you, no one else will either. Tell yourself the truth, your word is all you have.
A lie is anything that erodes a person’s ability to trust you.
Tell the truth no matter how ugly, hard, or how much you wish it were different. Then you can start the work of making the ugly truth, prettier.
When people want you to be more or to do more, that’s their problem.
Take Alfie Deyes for example since people seem to enjoy making him a target. People place their expectations on him, and then they’re disappointed when he doesn’t rise to meet them. But, he too has a path, and he also has the right to live his life as he chooses. I can easily show you 21-year olds who couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to responsibly handle what he has going for him right now. Just like I could easily find 21-year olds who are doing great, lasting, and impactful work in the world, and who don’t post it.
The World Needs All Types!
Writers find their voice. Artists find their style. Not everyone’s calling, work, or purpose is the same, and not everyone comes into their own at the same time or age.
Sometimes people want you to come out the gate on level 100. Meanwhile, you’re functioning and gracefully excelling at level 47, steadily climbing to 100, and you have every right to. It’s silly to think that everyone can and should mature at the same age, that they will all at the same time see the world through the same lens, or that all at once they will rise up to revolutionize that world. Allow people the space to grow, mature, and learn at whatever pace their life allows.
It’s one thing to want someone to explore what they’re capable of doing and becoming, and wanting them to dream bigger or to live up to their potential. It’s another thing to beat them down and try to shame or guilt them into being what you define as “more”. If they did it out of shame, guilt, or peer pressure, it wouldn’t be authentic and lasting anyway. The thing is, even when a person reaches whatever level you’ve made up for them, like even if Alfie creates the moving body of work you think he should, there will still be opposition. That opposition will come mainly from those whose fears will be reflected back to them through his success.
Stop sucking the life out of people; it doesn’t make you look tough, it exposes your thoughts about yourself. And stop living through other people. Quit wanting them to ‘get out there’ or ‘put out higher quality content’ when really you’re saying you want someone to do the very thing you’re afraid to. Everyone finds their thing, their work, their passion in their time.
There are followers who…
love everything you do and say, no matter what. They get alerts when you post anything on any platform and ‘like’ everything you post. They think anyone who doesn’t is a hater.
think you should ‘up your game’ and put out higher quality content. They keep up with you even though they say they don’t like you. They can’t stand to watch you and they can’t stand not to, so they can whine about you not being ‘deep enough’ or ‘creating content that matters’.
take and accept you for exactly who you present yourself to be. They know what type of things you post and if they’re in the mood for it, or they genuinely like it, they watch it, ‘like’ it, and/or let you know. When you don’t post, they carry on with their lives and if they don’t like what you post they just go watch something else. But, they want the best for you, so they will let you know when you’ve screwed up. They recognize that you’re an imperfect young adult trying to figure out his or her way in the world, just like them.
People place expectations because they want you to match their ideal you. But that’s their problem. You’ve got enough stuff to handle, don’t carry their bag of expectations around too. Live your life authentically and with integrity. What you do now and who you are now will not be what you do and who you are forever. Enjoy where you are, challenge yourself as to what you can do, and live a life that makes you proud.
*Alfie Deyes was merely the example person I used to reinforce a point. I do not know him personally, and this isn’t a post against or in support of him. Although, just like all of you, I am rooting for him.
This week on our YouTube channel, we’re discussing 5 types of people you’ll encounter in the comment section and in life.
Check out our week long series on the 5 types of people you’ll encounter in the comment sections of social media, and in life.
Main channels, vlog channels, beauty products, makeup lines, husbands/boyfriends, daughters, pets, brand ambassadors, photo shoots, meet & greets, charities, authors, live events, self-employed, entrepreneurs … ambitious young women.
Isn’t it crazy that not too long ago the masses viewed women as people who could/should just keep house and raise kids, or believed that they weren’t fit to be CEOs, leaders, athletes, or balance a professional and personal life? Ridic.
Whitney, Louise, Fleur, Zoe, four of the best in the biz. I chose to highlight these 4 because not only do they use their platform to inspire, helps others, and earn a living doing what they love, they all do so while maintaining two YouTube channels, a home/family life, and businesses of their own, and they do so graciously.
If makeup, hair, and fashion are your thing, their main channels have all the looks and styles you’ll need, from hair tutorials and product reviews, to sharing some of their favorite items. If you’re more of a reality TV fan, like, REALity or you enjoy watching people live their everyday lives, their vlog channels and videos are where it’s at. Real moments, lazy days, stressful events, panic attacks, exciting weeks, girl problems, bad hair days, parenting fails, genuine excitement, and meeting their viewers in person, they let us in on it all.
Intelligent women who enjoy fashion and nice things but don’t live for it, who aren’t afraid to go bare faced or full makeup, and who empower others to do the same.
Collectively, we feel pride when people whose videos we watch or whose journey we get to witness seize their opportunities and experience whatever their definition of success is. It is inspiring to myself and the millions of young viewers who witness what hard work, dedication, and saying yes to things, even if they’re scary, can bring you.
Kudos to Whitney, Louise, Fleur, and Zoë may this be just the very beginning of your journey. We can’t wait to see you realize your full potential. Thank you for putting great work into the world and motivating others to do the same.