Two Truths. No Lies.

cointracker16I have a friend who doesn’t tell the truth.
I don’t call her a liar, (although that’s what you’d call a person who doesn’t tell the truth) because she doesn’t know she’s lying. To her, she’s telling the truth as she understands things in the moment. It’s not until things go wrong that she realizes she chose to ignore the red flags and warning signs.
After the guy she was head over heels in love with, broke her heart, then she clearly saw the red flags. Post-breakup she told me parts of his story she’d previously left out- his relationship history, the vices he indulged in, his behavior when he got angry.
In the beginning, I was happy for her, I encouraged her to pursue her relationship with him based on what she’d told me, because I believed she was painting a complete and accurate picture of him. When I asked her why she’d left out the ‘bad’ when sharing the ‘good’, she said she thought she was telling the full story. The truth is, she wanted so badly for him to be ‘the one’ that she chose to ignore the things that later eroded their relationship. She lied to herself for so long that she believed it as truth.
Tell yourself the truth, first. The more you lie, the less trustworthy you become.
Ever seen the Youtube challenge tag called, “Two Truths, One Lie”? One person states 3 things and another person guesses which two are true and which is the lie. That’s cute for a harmless video, but it’s detrimental in life. It’s bad enough to lie to other people, but it’s truly damaging to lie to yourself. If you can’t trust you, no one else will either. Tell yourself the truth, your word is all you have.
A lie is anything that erodes a person’s ability to trust you.
Tell the truth no matter how ugly, hard, or how much you wish it were different. Then you can start the work of making the ugly truth, prettier.
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We’ve all done it…

“Hey, How are you?”

“Fine.” 

It’s an acceptable response, especially when you see someone in passing or if you just have no desire to share what’s going on with you. But is it true?

And if it isn’t, then who, what, when?

Who do you tell what you’re really going through to? What will it take for you to share what’s going on with you or to start changing your situation? When do you stop faking like things are ok?

Have you ever seen someone and you can look at them and tell things aren’t ok, they look stressed, sad, angry. Their face, their body language, their tone of voice tells you everything isn’t ok even if they tell you it is.

I remember a girl I was cool with who slowly just seemed to be less and less of herself and I recall asking her if she was ok a few times and then offering my ear if she ever needed it but not wanting to keep pressing the issue. I figured, if she trusted me or if she wanted to tell me, she would, but I wanted her to know the invitation was there and always open.

It was later discovered what was going on with her, and luckily it wasn’t anything too terrible, but for so many others it is. I know I have blown people off before with the “I’m fine” answer when I surely wasn’t.

It makes me sad to think about all the people of all ages who have this thing, this issue, this lie, this feeling that they just want to get rid of or fix but they go on each day, carrying it around and hiding it.

“I’ve got some issues that nobody can see
And all of these emotions are pouring out of me
I bring them to the light for you
It’s only right
This is the soundtrack to my life” -Kid Cudi

Life is too short and offers too many wonderful things, relationships, people, and experiences to go through every day not fully enjoying them. Everyone has their ‘stuff’ they’ve got to deal with, I mean that’s to be expected. The key, however, is to deal with it. Not carry it around, hide it, fight it, but talk about it, write it out, sing it, scream, get professional help, call a friend, write a letter, something. Quit faking the funk and live an authentic live. You deserve it.

This is my sister.Asian-Teen-dreamstimefree_10262921

That’s a lie.

This, however, is my brother.aww-bampw-black-and-white-boy-brunette-Favim.com-199629

that too is a lie.

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You don’t know me, so you are far more inclined to take me at my word and believe what I say. However, because I just lied twice, whatever I say next, you may question its validity. That’s how the people you lie to feel.

the-worst-part-about-being-lied-to1What I have done, even if jokingly so, is I have eroded your trust. “A lie is anything that erodes a person’s ability to trust you.” I know I’ve said that on here before somewhere. It still rings true. No one likes being lied to and no one will fully put their trust in you again once you cheat, deceive, or lie to them oncefrankiejohn.com

A lie is a lie

wpid-Screenshot_2013-01-12-02-04-57.pngDo you ever read the comments people post beneath tweets, Instagram pictures, or online articles?

Sometimes they are informative, comical, and encouraging.

Sometimes however, they are rude, mean, and downright attempts to be hurtful. People talk really ‘tough’ online and via social media, and usually to people they have never met. Some people do it for attention, some do it to gain ‘followers’, ‘likes’, or just plain attention. Whatever the reason, it does not change truth. What you say, reflects on you more than it ever does the person you’re speaking ill of. If all you can find to say are mean, rude, or hurtful things, stop before you press post and think about the source of your comments. Is there something in your own life you need to address and not project on others?

Truths:

  • You become what you fear.

  • Hurt people, hurt people.

  • You create your own experience.

Everyone has things they don’t like, even people they don’t care for and for valid reasons. But what if you decided to focus more on the things you do enjoy, people you do like; using your time and energy for the good of uplifting or supporting and leaving the other stuff to the simpletons? What you chose to say or comment on would say a lot about you, but what you chose NOT to, would say a lot more about the person you are (or at least are striving to become).

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Check Your Reflection

People always thank me for being there for them, for helping them, for being a good friend.tumblr_mhdkafSWTC1rwsmexo1_1280

I never quite know how to respond because I don’t feel like I’ve really done anything to warrant thanks.

Then, someone explained it to me.

It’s not so much that I solve their problems, but that I am available, understanding, and non-judgemental.

I had no clue that 1. There were ‘friends’ who didn’t do that and 2. That it mattered so much to people.

It just kind of always made sense to me; no one wants their faults, weaknesses, or mistakes thrown in their face or their actions judged.

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I don’t even like thinking about the mistakes I’ve made, I can’t imagine allowing someone in my life who does it for me.

So, do a character check. Are you that friend?

It’s one thing to show someone the error of their ways and to help them so they don’t make the same mistake again.

It’s a whole other ballgame to make them feel bad, judge them, or constantly bring it up.

Be a friend who encourages, uplifts, and who tells the truth but out of and with Love.

There are enough people in the world who will judge you. No one wants a friend who does the same.

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Pants on Fire

I Lied Today.

I told the truth right afterward and then I apologized.

I felt terrible.

It was a tiny lie that would not have affected anyone.

But that wasn’t the point. Is there even such a thing as a ‘tiny lie’?

I strive to be a person of integrity, an upstanding citizen, a person to whom those younger than me can look up to. After all, I’d just written about lying here.

No one would have known that I’d lied…

Except me.

And I just can’t have that.

I NEVER want to talk the talk but not walk the walk.

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I don’t write this to pat myself on the back; I should have never even thought about lying, let alone done it.

I write this to keep myself honest and to let you know that you aren’t alone if you’ve faced a similar situation lately.

If you haven’t told the truth yet, do it.

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Humble yourself and bite the bullet.

Apologize, and mean it.

Next time, take a second and decide to tell the truth from the beginning and deal with the consequences.

 

“So?”

Do you recognize this kid?

c_01His name is Little Bill.

He was the star of a cartoon that came on Nick Jr.

I was forced delighted to watch this show one day while babysitting a few years ago.

I still remember the ‘lesson’ from an episode called ‘The Meanest Thing to Say’.

The title is deceiving, it didn’t actually teach you mean things to say.

Little Bill was being picked on and people were saying mean things to him.

His dad taught him a great comeback

He told him to learn to control himself and just say,

“So?”

I thought that was genius.

How many times should you have just said so, and then just let it go?

People talk about you, say things that aren’t true, hate on you, dislike you? So.

People are mean, I know, I’ve been mean before.

But when you’re on the receiving end of it, it’s no fun.

It gets harder to just walk away and shrug things off the older you get, but it’s worth the effort.

Take the higher road, don’t engage. Say “so?” and keep it moving, or say nothing at all.

Besides, most mean things people say are really just cover ups for their own hurt. Screen Shot 2013-01-30 at 11.27.13 AM

Lying

6a0120a85dcdae970b01630509825a970d-800wiWe’ve all done it.

Sometimes we get caught and sometimes we feel so bad that we tell on ourselves.

Sometimes the effect of our lie spreads so far and so fast that telling the truth seems to be the only way to ‘fix’ the situation.

Last week, the world listened to a once-deemed ‘hero’ admit the truth.a_560x375

The truth was, that he lied.

Lance Armstrong, the most popular cyclist in the world.

What makes the Lance Armstrong story such an attention grabber are many:

  • the number of wins he amassed

  • the cancer foundation he started and the yellow wristband they made popular

  • his denial of drug use

What I have taken from this story is what his truth being told has caused me to think about.

My lies were not of Armstrong’s magnitude, I don’t think.

But, a lie is a lie.

Yes, his lies cost people millions of dollars, hurt numerous people, etc.

I’m not fighting his case, it’s not my battle. I’m just pointing out the fact that this man is just like you and me.

So, learn from this.

Allow yourself to admit that you have most likely lied, deceived, or omitted, and remain conscious aware of what you say so you can avoid doing it again.

Whether it’s a little white lie, a bold-faced lie, or an exaggeration… think of the people it may affect.

How you would feel if someone found out the truth?

How you would feel if the lie was being told to or about  you ?

I heard someone define a lie once, and it has become one of my favorite quotes…

“A lie is anything that erodes a person’s ability to trust you.”

Tell the truth.

whether it feels good or not

whether it’s easy or not

whether you want to or not

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It’s worth it.