Forgiving someone makes us feel like a doormat, like we’re allowing someone to walk all over us or to get away with something. How come when we’re the person who has been wronged we also have to be the person who forgives? It sucks. Especially when the person you’re forgiving isn’t even sorry.
Ever been in a situation where someone did something to you or said something about you and they either have no clue that what they did affected you? Or they know they hurt you, but they don’t care? That’s the worst, why do they deserve to be forgiven?
You’ve seen the quotes on cute little magnets from some wise person that, “forgiveness is for you, not the person you’re forgiving”. But, that does nothing to make forgiving someone feel better.
Forgiveness isn’t a feeling.
Depending on how badly you’ve been hurt, you’re never going to feel like forgiving someone, it’s just one of those things that you have to choose to do. But why?
Well, because all those wise people were right, you forgive people, even those who aren’t sorry, because you deserve the relief. Forgiving people is about letting go the anger of what they did to you. It doesn’t mean they weren’t wrong, it just means that you care too much about yourself to continue to let a toxic, negative emotion like anger live inside you when you have a choice to let it go.
Your friend starts talking to the person you told them months ago you liked. You’re pissed, they have no clue that you’re mad, or they know you’re mad, but they don’t care. What’s your move? After the meltdown, after you delete their number and unfollow them, when you pull yourself together, now what? If they don’t know you’re mad, tell them. If they know you’re mad and they ask for forgiveness, that should be easy. If they don’t seem to care, well you get to choose.
You can carry on choosing to not forgive them and letting that anger and unforgiveness build within you, or you can decide, you know what, it’s not worth my happiness. I forgive them for being slimy, and I’m moving past it. And, the power’s in your hands anyway, because you now also must decide whether they’re still allowed in your life.
Forgiveness doesn’t really suck, it just feels like a blow to the ego, like you’re being a chump, but really, you’re doing yourself the favor.